It was the phone call you never wish to get. 4 p.m and the Pediatrician office calls. This is the hour they close, why are they calling now? This was the question asked 6 months ago, to the day. Molly had an MRI the day before and we had an inkling something was up since the Radiology Tech asked when we will be seeing the doctor.
But nothing prepared us for the phone call. They asked us to come in right away to the office. I will say, it was the longest drive ever. Even as I write this, my heart races thinking about it.
“A large tumor on the brain stem.”
These words rang in my ears for what seemed like forever. I couldn’t hear anything else but these words. But I did see the Pediatrician crying. I didn’t feel the hug she gave me. I was numb.
We were to go immediately to the hospital to meet with the Oncology team and Neurosurgeon. Seemed like a sick joke. This doesn’t happen to us. This happens to other families. Not us.
The next three days were a blur and exhausting. There were MRIs, meetings, blood work. There was crying, hugging, visits, and disbelief.
But what I remember most is 3 a.m. on Wednesday morning. Peter and I couldn’t sleep. We walked around, I’m sure looking like zombies. We headed to the main waiting room and collapsed into a seat. What now? We did the only thing we knew to do… we prayed.
We cried out to God and asked Him what to do now.
We can’t live without Molly, Lord. Don’t you know that? She’s our little girl. She’s our smiley, happy,singing, silly, beautiful big brown-eyed girl. Help us.
We cried. We prayed for what seemed like hours. We hugged. And then the Peace came. A wave of air that I could finally breath. I didn’t feel so suffocated with grief and confusion. The fog was lifting.
Peter and I never really prayed together as a couple. Sad to say. But I’ll just be honest. But for the rest of my life, I will not forget the bond that He brought to us that night. It can’t be broken. It’s beauty in the midst of tragedy.
I suppose I should write about other things: but this is what sticks out in my mind today. The worst day of our lives. The one forever etched in our life stories. Perhaps my writing is disjointed and messy. But that is a perfect picture of how we felt that day.
Written December 17, 2014