The girls asked to put up the Christmas tree earlier than we normally do this year. They have been eager to see the lights, hang the ornaments, and let’s be honest, get some presents.
I wasn’t so sure.
Pulling out all the Christmas boxes wasn’t the problem. Neither was putting together the big, heavy tree. What my issue was stemmed from the heart.
As we began to unwrap each ornament, the excitement increased. I am pretty sure the volume jumped up a few hundred decimals.
And then, there it was. The very ornament I thought would break me.
Wrapped in the box was a note from myself that I wrote last year as I packed it away. It says, “It’s going to be alright. God hasn’t left you. <3”
Last Christmas, as we decorated, we knew deep inside that it was our last with her. I actually wrote about it here
. But you are never quite sure what that day will bring. I’m glad I wrote the note. It was a sweet reminder of how God was holding me in His arms then and I am in the same exact place now. Still 100% dependent on Him.
We finished decorating the tree and as we stood back to admire our masterpiece, Clara smiled and looked at me.
“Mom, don’t judge me. But I might cry. I’m just so happy it’s Christmas.”
Ah, there it is. The delightful though, out of the mouth of babes, that we will have joy this season. We will get through it all. Yes, we will be sad, and if I was honest with myself, I have already shed a bucket full of tears. But that’s OK. Because once I pull myself together, I am able to sing a song, tell a joke, and even bake a cookie.
We will make it.
Posted December 2, 2015