Perhaps the most difficult of all endeavors in the grieving world is the idea of memories.
You love them, yet you hate them. You cherish them, yet wish to not remember. You begin to create new ones, but only while looking back.
Everything in life has a little bit of a bitter taste to it.
Times that are fun and happy have a twinge of guilt and sadness intertwined with them. Because even though you enjoy the moment, you can’t help but think, “I wish they were here.”
The days are getting a little easier. Falling into a puddle of mush only happens a few times a week now. We have begun school and are developing a routine which is key for everyone’s mental health. But mixed in are these intense moments of memories.
Memories of old that make you wish you could step back in time. Memories of new that you wish you could pause, grab a hold of that piece of your heart that is missing, and incorporate them into the fun.
Being a military family, we know that a move is inevitable. Change happens all the time in everyone’s life. But how can I bear the thought of moving on and making new memories, in new places, that Molly has never been? I can’t stand the thought. I’m not ready.
Today memories, new and old, sweep over me like a bitter cold. I don’t like them. They serve no purpose but to bring pain. But I know that is just for right now. I know tomorrow will be better.
Posted August 5, 2015