I’m a purger at heart. I love being able to get rid of the old and bring in the new. But with that comes my ability, at times, to be wasteful and not see the value in things. My husband is a master at this. We have gelato containers that I would have thrown out, but he found a way to make them into piggy banks. There are countless times that something has broken and he has been able to fix it with only a stick of gum and paper clip. (OK, perhaps that is an exaggeration, but you know Macgyver could do it!) He even made our TV antennae, which may have been ugly (OK, it was REALLY ugly), but still, the guy is a genius.
I knew that this past year was a time in my life that God was using to grow my faith. In fact, He prepared me for it weeks before we heard of DIPG. But now that this year in coming to a close, (in two days it will be a year exactly), I find myself making the foolish mistake that He is done with me. He’s done growing my faith. I’m used up.
It’s fully realized by myself that this sounds foolish, because we all know that we are never done growing spiritually. But like the gelato containers, I have been struggling, searching what use I have now. Like the container, what I have been doing for so long, (caring for Molly and trusting that God can get us through the next hump of her care) is no longer necessary.
But this gelato jar that once held yummy goodness (the salted caramel was by far the best), now holds something new. It’s job and purpose, however, are still the same. Just slightly altered.
I once had a specific job of growing in my faith through losing my daughter. But that chapter has closed. Nevertheless,God still desires my faith to grow, even if it’s through a different venue.
I must look at where my faith lies… DAILY. I’ve been going through the motions, somewhat numb to the world. But my God desires me to continue forward, growing my faith in the day-to-day.
Did you know it requires faith to get out of bed? It does! It requires great faith to believe that my Savior has something special for me in prayer time and reading. My body fights it, because I would much rather sleep. But when I trust in Him, He never disappoints.
The same goes for the caring of Sam and Clara. I need great faith in Him to know what my next move must be and to be available to tend to their needs, whether physical, emotional, or spiritual.
You see, faith is not knowledge. It’s action in the knowledge you have.
Choosing to obey the very thing you know to be true, but may seem impossible to accomplish.
My impossibles are not the same as they were last year. A year ago, my impossibles were healing for Molly. This year, my impossibles are continuing on without her and being the Mom and Wife that God desires me to be.
One may seem much more in-feasible than another, but it’s really not any different. I need to be at the throne of God every day, asking my Abba Father to get me to the next hour and grant me wisdom for even the most mundane decisions. It’s all important.
I’m reminded again, that ALL things are possible with God.
Posted June 15, 2015